Jan. 1, 2010
Manton residents Orval and Orpha Cudd thought everything was hunky-donkey between the jack and jenny that a drunk neighbor had left in their field months earlier. But apparently the jack (scientific name for male donkey) was living a lie.
"We didn't know until we adopted a second boy donkey and all of a sudden the poor jenny was odd man out," said Orpha as she packed a thousand miniature Christmas trees away for next year.
Orval agreed. "The two boy donkeys started trying to screw each other so much that we changed their names to Siegfried and Roy."
The couple is divided over the non-stop male ass sex that now takes place in their field every day.
"I thinks it's cute," smiled Orpha as she packed a thousand miniature Christmas angels away for next year.
"It's like watching bikers screw," interrupted Orval, making a disgusted face, "I know it happens, but I don't want to see it."
"I think the new boy is just confused," said Orpha as she packed a thousand miniature Christmas elves away for next year, "He still wants to get at the girl when she's in heat."
"He's one of those selfish gays donkeys that just has to have kids too," said Orval, shaking his head, "We tried to fix him, because fixing him sounded better than castrating him--but it turns out we couldn't do either because he's got one ball that won't drop."
"It would take a major operation," explained Orpha as she packed a thousand Christmas snowmen away for next year.
"Way I look at," said Orval, "If we're gonna cut open a donkey, might as well fire up the barbeque."
Orpha ignored her husband and continued to explain, "So he's got this one nut that won't drop. He's like a mighty oak tree holding onto the last acorn."
"And even though he's only got one ball, he's hung like a horse," chortled Orval.
The couple laughed hard at a joke they'd obviously used many times before.
"You know I've heard the same thing about Doug LaMalfa," chuckled Orval, "But I wouldn't want Doug LaMalfa fucking my donkeys either. So we keep 'em all away from the jenny. We don't want any baby donkeys. And when I say "we" I mean me because Orpha has already picked out names and knitted little donkey booties."
"Got about a thousand of 'em, so far," confirmed Orpha.
"And as much as I don't want him getting the girl pregnant, I don't want him cornholing the other boy donkey either--what will the neighbors think?"
We asked some of the Cudd's neigbors that exact question at the Manton Corners Bar and Daycare Center.
"Well, I drove by the Cudd's house this morning", drawled Henry Axwipe, "and them queer donkeys was going at it again like they was in the San Francisco zoo or something."
Everyone at the bar broke up in agreement.
"Hoo-hoo--I bet they let them donkeys get married," snorted Piney Hootenany before choking and coughing up some spit.
"Well, I tell you what," replied Orpha Cudd in a slightly indignant tone when told of the jokes being made about her equine companions, "If my gay donkeys came to me and told me they were in love and wanted to get married, I'd say 'That's fine.'"
Orval agreed. "I'd say, 'I don't care if you're gay and I don't care if you're getting married--just stop talking to me, okay?'" CommentReturn To ArchivesReturn To Merry Standish Standard Main Page