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Tom Hanks Wins Barroom Brawl in Red Bluff
Bosom Buddy Kicks Cowboy Ass at the PR

Jan 16, 2010
Red Bluff, CA

In keeping with his newest role of Red Bluff Man About Town, Tom Hanks proved he is a formidable method actor when he busted up a group of drunken cowboys who had been using vulgar words of anger in the presence of Hanks' elderly mother.

"I never seen anything like it," said an amazed Maybe May, bartender at the Palagambino Room, a historic watering hole known for its upstairs bachelor parties and back alley brawls, "He just took off his hat and coat, rolled up his sleeves and waded into them old boys like he was Forrest Gump and they was that Whatchcallit Pool in Washington, D.C."

"Hell, you gotta respect a world famous critically acclaimed actor who can kick you in the balls and help you up afterward," said sheepish cowpoke Lance Beechwood after having his silly hat handed to him by the star of 'Toy Story 3'.

"I'll never use bad words in front of the ladies ever again."

Tehama County Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife, who watches 'Sleepless in Seattle' alone every year, was very surprised to see Red Bluff's favorite foster son at the center of the usual Friday Night Fight At The PR.

"I don't know what those old boys was thinking," chuckled Fife, absentmindedly loading and unloading a single bullet from his outdated revolver, "Guess they didn't see 'Saving Private Ryan'. Man kicks as much Nazi ass as Tom Hanks has ain't gonna have any trouble with some cranked up cowboys."

Eight men and two women were arrested for Disturbing Tom Hanks (Cal. Penal Code Apollo 13) and will be released on bail after they are released from the hospital.

Hanks was also accompanied by the great grandson of his co-star from "Turner and Hooch" a large Dogue de Bordeaux named Hooch 4. Hooch 4 did not participate in the dust-up, but did stand by slobbering and eating whatever was dropped on the floor.

Hanks's brother, Mercy High graduate Jim Hanks, stood in for a few seconds in what was an obvious edit.


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