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....Original Northstate Comedy Since 1978....
Manton Ditch Surfers Bummed About Boole Ditch Pipeline
Preferred Half-Pipeline
November 29, 2012
Manton, CA.

As the residents along Manton's newly rebuilt Boole Ditch pipeline rejoice at the fact that they have water again, not everyone in town is celebrating.

A small group of dudes and dudettes known as The Manton Ditch Surfers gathered to pay their respects to a way of life that has been extinguished by the recent Ponderosa Fire and the improvements made to the newly repaired foothill water delivery system.

The fully enclosed 10,120 foot long pipeline will deliver close to five million gallons of water to a hillside full of happy hillbillies every year. But to those who grew up rippin' mondo crunchers on the aging flume, it's like eating it in the Green Room.

"Bro, there's nothing like hot dogging an open ditch," explained Phil 'Longboard' Lee as he polished the skeg on the tail of his custom ditch stick. "Jumping the breakwaters, shreddin' through the rocks, shootin' the boardwalks, scaring the egrets. It was so awesome. But five miles of enclosed pipeline--that's a long way to told your breath, bro. Especially if you just took killer a bong rip. It's bogus, bro."

"So howcum they still call it a ditch pipeline when it's just a pipeline?," asked veteran flume flyer Woody Wagon, named for the car he was conceived in. "And I always thought it was Bull Ditch. What the heck is a Boole anyway?"

"We understand the longtime practice of ditch surfing," commented Boole Ditch Honcho Bob 'Bob' Molson, "or as we call it, trespassing. I for one am glad I don't have to spend as much time pulling Huaraches and baggy shorts out of the filter screens."

Aging, but still hot Ditch Bitch Kendroid Howldoggie lamented the fact that she wouldn't be able to teach her own kids how to surf the flume.

"Mostly because I would never ever have kids. And thank Kahuna--can you imagine raising little gremlins or grommets in a world where they can't cut out on a halfpipe from the G-Line to the P-Line on their way to school? I mean it's rad that everyone can water their crops and pets again. I just miss hitting the ditch and riding a gnarly honker down to the bar."

Lee had the last word as he headed off down Ponderosa Way in his camo board shorts to surf the Class 4 rapids on the South Fork of Battle Creek. "This commuting to surf sucks. But there are some sick haystacks along the creek since they took out the dams. I'll ride down to the old fishing lodge. Hope they still have their security cameras on. They got some great shots of me going turtle there last year after a good rain. They showed it at my trial. Standing O in the courtroom, brah."


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