April 24, 2010
Atlanta Braves slugger Chipper Jones celebrated his 38th birthday in style today by getting a Bronsky from Dorothy Merry, who was celebrating HER 73rd birthday by giving Atlanta Braves slugger Chipper Jones a Bronsky.
The ceremony took place at Citifield in Queens, home of the New York Mets, where the Braves were preparing to prove they were the less bad team. During batting practice, Ms. Merry ran onto the field, tore open her shirt, and thrust Jones' head between her large, pendulous breasts. Jones responded with the obligatory head shaking and motorboat sounds associated with a true Bronsky.
The crowd cheered loudly and, in a heartwarming display of good sportsmanship, several other old women wearing jerseys from both teams ripped them off and waved them wildly in support.
Asked about the unorthodox display, Jones said the two meet up to celebrate their birthday this way every year. "It was a little embarrassing when I was a teen," the future Hall Of Famer chuckled, "but now I can't face the plate on my birthday without those funbags flapping around my ears first."
Security gently escorted Ms. Merry off the field following the meet-and-greet, after good-naturedly pretending to look the other way when she deftly jumped the rail and slid into home plate, where Chipper was getting ready for batting practice.
Noting that 68 year-old Braves manager Bobby Cox could barely see his shoes anymore, much less pull off such a feat of athleticism, catcher Brian McCann was dazzled by Merry's moves. "If I could get a girl like Dorothy, or even a grandma like her, I'd be swinging away every day."
Chipper's second wife is unfazed by the bond her husband and Merry share. "It's just once a year - on their birthday. I figure it's either Dorothy or another Hooter's waitress. At least she can't get pregnant! I mean...she can't, can she? That would be gross."
When asked why she continued with the brazen act year after year and into her 70's, Merry slapped a young peanut vendor on the ass while doing the Tomahawk Chop and replied, "What the fuck are you talking about? Go Braves!"
In a related story, Merry's grandson Josh Poland celebrated HIS birthday at the same game by rubbing his butt on Keith Hernandez's head and getting thrown out of the stadium for smoking pot.COMMENT FROM SISTER CAROLYN HOECKH (Liz's sister, not a nun): Absolutely LOVE it!! Your BEST ever!!! I am cracking up!! The picture (of Mum Dorothy and Chipper Jones) is awesome too!!CommentReturn To ArchivesReturn To Merry Standish Standard Main Page