January 10, 2010
Ferndale, CA
Further proof that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has been fucking the state of California came Saturday afternoon when the earth actually moved near the small coastal town of Ferndale.
Lawmakers and activists on both sides of the political spectrum pointed to the quake as proof that the former movie star has done nothing but dick us around.
Liberals like Sunshine Tofuchild (G-Aracata), who have been angry at the governor's cuts in education and social programs, says the Ferndale tremors could be felt "all the way down my spine and into my toes. If I smoked, now would be the time."
Conservatives like Rich Whyteman (R-Riverside), who have been disappointed in the governor's support of gay rights, ammunition restrictions, and increased environmental regulations, are simply disgusted by the act itself.
"If I can feel it all the way in Glenn County" said Whyteman from his non-resident home in Willows, "Then you know he's in too deep."
A spokesman for the governor's office said that, like Schwarzenegger himself, the whole thing has been blown out of proportion.
"He didn't even cause a tsunami," explained an anonymous source at the governor's office. "He's been extremely gentle in his ravaging of the state. Most of the time, you don't even know he's there. I mean, jeez, it was just a 6.5 - about an inch more than the average."
As Californians are used to the governor's clumsy attempts to make something happen here, this latest cornholing shakedown is considered more substantive than his normally flaccid advances.
"I guess now that he knows his term limit is about to expire he's trying harder," said voyeur and former/future governor Jerry Brown (D-the Moon) "If California would just push back a little, we might all have some fun."
CommentReturn To ArchivesReturn To Merry Standish Standard Main Page
