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....Original Northstate Comedy Since 1978....
New Jersey Man Thinks He's Ishi

Oroville, CA
Jan 2, 2010

Hartson Poland, a New Jersey man named after a country of idiots, came out to visit his in-laws last summer and now suffers under the delusion that he is Northern California's most famous Native American.

When Poland read a bathroom plaque in an Oroville casino that told the story of Ishi, he became obsessed with the man known as "The Last Yahi."

In an attempt to deeper understand Ishi, Poland hiked thirty miles in his underwear through the Ishi Wilderness to Black Rock. That day he used a burnt stick to write down his feelings on a cave wall:

"Look at me--I'm freezing my balls off in the same water Ishi froze his balls off. I'm eating lizards in the same cave Ishi ate lizards in! I'm wiping my butt with the same leaves Ishi wiped his butt with!"

Poland found out later that Ishi probably did not use poison oak leaves to wipe his butt, but that did not dim his enthusiasm. He continued to do all things Ishi, almost starving to death before getting a job as an unpaid janitor.
He finally returned to New Jersey when he realized he was being exploited as the last of his tribe. His wife Tracy says he still spends most of his day trying to catch fish with a sharp stick and making acorn paste.

"It's just 'Ishi this' and 'Ishi that' all the time," sighed Tracy, "Yahi, Yahi, Yahi, Yana, Yana, Yana...But I'm not complaining. Two years ago he visited Graceland and came back thinking he was Elvis's stillborn twin."

"Yeah, that was a little crazy," admitted Poland, shooting an arrow at his neighbor's dog, "I'm just glad I finally figured out who I am before I become extinct."


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