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....Original Northstate Comedy Since 1978....
Mass. Election Destroys Democratic Party
Hope and Change Crushed

Boston, Mass.
Jan. 20, 2010

Republicans are preparing to take over all branches of government at every level and Democrats have agreed to walk into the ovens following the stunning defeat of Massachusetts Attorney General Senator Martha Coakley (D-Mass) at the oily hands of Republican challenger Scott Brown on Tuesday.

"There's no reason to continue planning for the 2010 elections," lamented White House Chief of Staff David Axelrod, "It's obvious that this is the beginning of the end of the Democratic Party."

Ecstatic Republicans like Tea Party spokesman Arnold Benedict went even further.

"I believe we will not only turn back the tide of socialized health care and gay people in the open, but will finally be able to run this country without interference from the majority party."

Joe Lieberman, a Republican operative who once posed as a Democrat and currently pretends to be an Independent, was a little more guarded in his assessment.

"Well," he whined, "No-one has worked harder to destroy the Democratic Party than me. But now that Senator Brown's election will give us a 41 vote minority to block any legislation proposed by the Democrats, I wonder if I should switch parties again?"

Majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) assured Lieberman there was no need for that.

"Now that we're barely a majority again, I believe we'll stop our political infighting and fold completely. Personally I plan to be beaten by an angry housewife in 2010. Maybe even my own"

Opiate addict and AM frequency hog Rush Limbaugh had plenty to say about the bell weather special election in his daily hallucination.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this comes as no surprise to meeeeee. I've spent more than a year planning it. I have made sure Americans have been sick of the inaction of the Obama administration since long before his inauguration. What's that buzzing sound? Why is the sky on fire?"

As usual, former Democratic National Committee chairman and scream therapy practitioner Howard Dean had his own way of seeing things.

"Once again, the Big Red Machine has crushed us and we are powerless to overcome them. First we lose in Massachusetts, then we'll lose in New York and New Jersey, and Michigan and Minnesota, and California and Connecticut, and Pennsylvania and Maine and then it's on to lose the White House! Wah-hooooooo!"

President Obama is unusually downbeat. Sources close to the president say he has packed his bags and plans to use the upcoming State of the Union to announce his resignation in the face of such an overwhelming repudiation of his entire presidency.

"I have spent my political capital," he confided to a close source that he obviously shouldn't have trusted since they gave us a copy of the president's speech.

"It's over. We tried. The people of Massachusetts have spoken for the rest of the country, much in the way Iowans and New Hampshirites, um....New Hampshironians, uh.....New Hamphirese, um....the people of New Hampshire do every 4 years. That's how democracy works. Vice-President Biden will keep my seat warm while the Republicans choose between the Mormon, the crazy lady, and any number of fat guys to oversee the end of days. Good Luck America."


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