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....Original Northstate Comedy Since 1978....
Mrs. Clarence Thomas Goes
On Drunk Dialing Binge

Oct. 21, 2010
Washington, D.C.

The wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, emboldened since her much publicized recent phone call to Anita Hill, has fired up the margarita blender and gone on a drunk dialing rampage.

On Ocober 9, Ginni Thomas left a message on Professor Hill's voicemail at Brandeis, requesting an apology for Hill's sexual harassment testimony 19 years ago during Justice Thomas's confirmation hearings. Not satisfied to misdirect the anger she feels at her husband, Thomas says she has "found a new calling" in the lowbrow world of phony phone messages, leaving dozens of fake voicemails "for fun and vindictiveness" in the past week, Victims of her crank calls have begun to speak out in startling numbers.

Thomas called her local convenience store asking if they had Prince Albert in a can. The shopkeeper replied in the affirmative and Thomas chortled, "Well, let him out!" followed by peals of drunken giggles and a loud burp.

She then dialed random bars asking for Mike Hunt, made a reservation at a Chinese restaurant for Mr. Ree, and sent a dozen pizzas to a neighbor whose cat has been known to leave pawprints on the Thomas's car hoods.

While CNN was reporting on the governor's race in California, Ginni called in to the broadcast pretending to be Meg Whitman. After spouting comfortable cliches about lower taxes and more jobs, she screamed "Jerry Brown's a pimp!" and made fart noises until Soledad O'Brien hung up on her.

Thomas also phoned actor Mel Gibson, leaving a rambling message about the "goddam jews and nigger whores" before offering to "smile and blow you. I'm watching Lethal Weapon 3 and I'm not wearing my wig." When Gibson refused to return her calls, she resorted to sexting pictures of her vagina to Brett Favre.

Asked if he was aware of his wife's extracurricular activities, Justice Thomas brushed a pubic hair from his Coke and told reporters "Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Howard Stern's penis!"


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